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Post by outgirl on Aug 13, 2004 18:39:07 GMT -5
Out of the closet, into gay history www.nydailynews.com/front/story/221793p-190512c.html"Throughout my life, I have grappled with my own identity, who I am. As a young child, I often felt ambivalent about myself, in fact, confused." From the moment New Jersey Gov. Jim McGreevey uttered those words, I knew he wasn't going to deliver your garden-variety resignation speech. We were in for something big. Those are familiar words I and countless other gay Americans have said before - to ourselves, to family, to friends. My heart raced because I just wasn't sure how far McGreevey would go. Then, at 4:30 p.m., McGreevey went there - all the way there: "And so my truth is that I am a gay American." With that declaration, before a national television audience and remarkably with his wife and parents standing behind him, Jim McGreevey became the first openly gay governor in the United States - at least until Nov. 15. It was an explosive moment in gay history. A "where were you when?" moment bigger than yesterday's news that gay marriages performed in San Francisco this spring were nullified by the California Supreme Court. Let me be clear. That McGreevey is hightailing it out of Trenton under an ethical cloud thicker than the smog over the New Jersey Turnpike makes me suspicious of his motives in wrapping himself in the rainbow flag. No doubt he wants to generate sympathy. When it comes to allegations of criminality, blackmail and sexual harassment, coming out of the closet cannot, should not and must not be a shield from scrutiny and possible prosecution. Where I do have sympathy for the 51st governor of New Jersey is in his painful existence in the closet. It's an ugly, lonely place. The fear and mistrust within force men and women to compromise themselves to conform to family demands, society's ideals or religious upbringing. Yes, even in the America of "Will & Grace" and "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy," the closet is alive and well. At 47 years old, McGreevey is but the latest example of the parallel gay-straight universe I see on display in the worlds I travel in right here in New York City. I'm one of the lucky ones who came to terms with his homosexuality in college and never looked back. But for every Jonathan Capehart, there are 10 more McGreeveys. Ten more people who aren't comfortable with their sexuality and desperately keep their private lives secret for fear of being outed. Ten more people who use gender-neutral pronouns to describe the date they had the other night. Ten more people who think marriage and a family will trump their true nature. And 10 more people in marriages that look like the heterosexual ideal yet who have same-sex dalliances or even longtime partners on the side. During McGreevey's remarks, one of my colleagues observed with amazement, "Look, he's smiling." Unless you've twisted your life as he has, unless you've lied to protect your job or family, unless you've lived in constant fear of discovery, you'll never know the incredible relief McGreevey must feel. Too bad he chose to come out under such a cloud. But it is indeed a liberating experience. Originally published on August 13, 2004 |
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Post by whatever on Aug 15, 2004 9:29:49 GMT -5
Out of the closet, into gay history www.nydailynews.com/front/story/221793p-190512c.html"Throughout my life, I have grappled with my own identity, who I am. As a young child, I often felt ambivalent about myself, in fact, confused." From the moment New Jersey Gov. Jim McGreevey uttered those words, I knew he wasn't going to deliver your garden-variety resignation speech. We were in for something big. Those are familiar words I and countless other gay Americans have said before - to ourselves, to family, to friends. My heart raced because I just wasn't sure how far McGreevey would go. Then, at 4:30 p.m., McGreevey went there - all the way there: "And so my truth is that I am a gay American." With that declaration, before a national television audience and remarkably with his wife and parents standing behind him, Jim McGreevey became the first openly gay governor in the United States - at least until Nov. 15. It was an explosive moment in gay history. A "where were you when?" moment bigger than yesterday's news that gay marriages performed in San Francisco this spring were nullified by the California Supreme Court. Let me be clear. That McGreevey is hightailing it out of Trenton under an ethical cloud thicker than the smog over the New Jersey Turnpike makes me suspicious of his motives in wrapping himself in the rainbow flag. No doubt he wants to generate sympathy. When it comes to allegations of criminality, blackmail and sexual harassment, coming out of the closet cannot, should not and must not be a shield from scrutiny and possible prosecution. Where I do have sympathy for the 51st governor of New Jersey is in his painful existence in the closet. It's an ugly, lonely place. The fear and mistrust within force men and women to compromise themselves to conform to family demands, society's ideals or religious upbringing. Yes, even in the America of "Will & Grace" and "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy," the closet is alive and well. At 47 years old, McGreevey is but the latest example of the parallel gay-straight universe I see on display in the worlds I travel in right here in New York City. I'm one of the lucky ones who came to terms with his homosexuality in college and never looked back. But for every Jonathan Capehart, there are 10 more McGreeveys. Ten more people who aren't comfortable with their sexuality and desperately keep their private lives secret for fear of being outed. Ten more people who use gender-neutral pronouns to describe the date they had the other night. Ten more people who think marriage and a family will trump their true nature. And 10 more people in marriages that look like the heterosexual ideal yet who have same-sex dalliances or even longtime partners on the side. During McGreevey's remarks, one of my colleagues observed with amazement, "Look, he's smiling." Unless you've twisted your life as he has, unless you've lied to protect your job or family, unless you've lived in constant fear of discovery, you'll never know the incredible relief McGreevey must feel. Too bad he chose to come out under such a cloud. But it is indeed a liberating experience. Originally published on August 13, 2004 Good article. That's what I think the crazy righties just don't get; the reality of being gay, and how it feels to live in their "perfect world" |
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Post by RS Davis on Aug 15, 2004 11:08:43 GMT -5
I really enjoy the author's perspective. So many times, people are willing to look past problems in a situation like this. Perhaps McGreevey counted on this, perhaps not. But either way, we can celebrate his decision to finally stop living a lie, without excusing his horrible behavior as governor.
Maybe geting out of politics and just concentrating on his new out in the open life is the best thing for him...
- Rick
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Post by n2nsites on Aug 17, 2004 22:40:36 GMT -5
There was an article on MSN about this. I got pissed at this beginning of a paragraph: The storyGod, that pisses me off. It seems like the insinuation is that the "bookworms" are "abnormal" therefore..... There are just so many things wrong. |
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Post by zombiekiller on Aug 17, 2004 23:00:01 GMT -5
There was an article on MSN about this. I got pissed at this beginning of a paragraph: The storyGod, that pisses me off. It seems like the insinuation is that the "bookworms" are "abnormal" therefore..... There are just so many things wrong. Bookworms are abnormal. They sit around doing seditious things like reading and opening their minds. They turn into psychos that might question why people do things. |
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Post by RS Davis on Aug 18, 2004 4:39:04 GMT -5
God, that pisses me off. It seems like the insinuation is that the "bookworms" are "abnormal" therefore..... There are just so many things wrong. Seriously, where do you begin? It seems they took a shot at gay people and bookworms, saying that if you're a bookworm (as if that's a bad thing), you therefore will be gay (as if that's a bad thing). From start to finish, there isn't a morally decent assumption that writer makes with that thesis... - Rick |
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Post by RS Davis on Aug 18, 2004 4:40:00 GMT -5
Bookworms are abnormal. They sit around doing seditious things like reading and opening their minds. They turn into psychos that might question why people do things. Another one for the "Great Poster Quotes" thread... - Rick |
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Post by outgirl on Aug 18, 2004 17:08:10 GMT -5
I wish we could just celebrate kids being whomever they are.
My 5 yr old godson appears to have some tendancies. Of course, too soon to tell but it runs deep in the family. 2 aunts, 1 uncle and a couple of suspected other family members.
The thing is, even some of the gay people in his life seem determined to butch him up. See even in some gay circles, it's ok to be gay but you can't be a sissy. Why? I want to celebrate whomever the person is that he becomes instead of trying to make him conform to rigid stereotypes.
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Post by RS Davis on Aug 18, 2004 18:14:16 GMT -5
I wish we could just celebrate kids being whomever they are. My 5 yr old godson appears to have some tendancies. Of course, too soon to tell but it runs deep in the family. 2 aunts, 1 uncle and a couple of suspected other family members. The thing is, even some of the gay people in his life seem determined to butch him up. See even in some gay circles, it's ok to be gay but you can't be a sissy. Why? I want to celebrate whomever the person is that he becomes instead of trying to make him conform to rigid stereotypes. Do you think they'd be the same way with his sister?? I've been thinking a lot about this since we first talked about it, and I wonder if perhaps they are just trying to get him to be more self-confident, assertive, and independent. That is something we should try to instill in our kids no matter their gender or orientation. I could be way off base here, but it is just a thought... - Rick |
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Post by outgirl on Aug 26, 2004 17:33:56 GMT -5
Do you think they'd be the same way with his sister?? I've been thinking a lot about this since we first talked about it, and I wonder if perhaps they are just trying to get him to be more self-confident, assertive, and independent. That is something we should try to instill in our kids no matter their gender or orientation. I could be way off base here, but it is just a thought... - Rick You have a good point but actually they are the same with the sister. In her case it's her clothes. Everyone in her family hates her bohemian style of dress. They keep buying expensive designer clothes for her but she just wants to be a hippie. She doesn't care about Tommy Hilfiger or Louis Vitton, which is a good thing to me. But not in her family. I know that clothes are an area of contention in most families with teens but you'd think that her gay Aunts and Uncles would understand and support her free spirit. Gay or straight, we all have ideas of what is acceptable and what is not. Have you ever tried to get a gay man to admit he's a bottom. Dude, it's almost impossible. They all claim to be tops but I know someone's takin it up the ass. Don't mean to be crude but it just shows that this is a society where we have preconceive notions of masculinity and they are alive and well even in the gay community. I just want the kids to be able to explore who they are without predetermined restraints. If a young boy grows up to be more effeminate, does that make him less of a man? No, just a man with a different style. I know a lot of really fucked up gay men. Maybe if they were allowed to be themselves from the start, they would've turned out differently. |
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Post by n2nsites on Aug 27, 2004 1:21:14 GMT -5
You know OG, this really hits home. I am one of those folks who lets her kids be. No one understands why I don't have "any control" over them. I do, where it counts. But if my son wants long hair, an earring, a necklace and baggy drawers, so be it. He is still a very good kid....most of the time. And if my daughter wants to wear baggy drawers and a tee shirt 24/7, with this really weird little funky hat, so be it. She is cool with me. And then there is my little white afro boy. I don't know where the hair came from, but he is the only white boy I know with a kick ass 'fro.
My husband is embarassed to be seen in public with them. My parents talk trash every time. Personally, I can tell them to go to hell. The kids are nicer about it.
I go barefoot. Everywhere. I have 52 pairs of shoes. But I go barefoot. Why does this make people uncomfortable? I am not shoving my GD foot in their faces. I am just walking. Anyway...
My point is that I don't get it. I don't get the need for everyone to fall into place and be exactly like the one before them. I don't get the need for everyone's house to be a certain way or it's "wrong". I drive my dad crazy because I refuse to put dining room furniture in my dining room. What the hell? I don't use the dining room to dine, why would I want dining room furniture. He offered to buy it. I said no. And he thinks I am weird. He's offering to put furniture in a room I don't use for what reason? Because it makes HIM crazy. Bah.
This whole need for people to fit into pre-conceived boxes does make me crazy. Just like the need for dining rooms to have dining furniture, people are supposed to be a certain way just because they are <fill in the blank>. I have spent my whole life doing the opposite of what people expect because that is my role. Nay, my goal. Making the pre-zombies (sorry ZK that is my new phrase. No disrespect man.) think.
I'll spend my whole life wondering did any one really ever think.
And then, since I am obviously "soap boxing", you have this whole issue with gays. Who people love shouldn't be regulated by anyone. I am sick and tired of people saying that they don't want their kids exposed to that sort of lifestyle I honestly have lost my own sense of decorum. So many people fall back on the bible as their source for bigotry and disrespect that I have lost all respect for them and their bible. Out of all the horrible things society has allowed, why is anti-love the one thing that will bring all those folks to a rally? You can get hundreds of people together to bans them gays from getting married, but where are those folks when people really need help? When someone gets laid off and loses his house because he's making half what he did? When kids are hungry because their parents can't get it together? Where are all those fuckers then? Back home watching the new humiliation tv series, feeling righteous cause they gave to the church for the new construction fund and donated the old clothes they don't wear to the homeless vets. BAH. BAH. BAH. (or should that be baa?)
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Post by outgirl on Aug 28, 2004 0:11:50 GMT -5
n2n, you can climb atop that soap box anytime girlfriend. I agree with everything that you said. I think it's important for kids to express themselves in their own way. My ex and I were totally incompatible at raising kids. She was completely authoritarian. Of course, she was that way with everything in life. It's a wonder that my daughter and I have such a good relationship after I subjected her to that for all those yrs.
Who in the hell makes all these so called rules of life. If you don't want a formal dining room, why ruin the room with furniture you won't use. Make it an office, meditation room or whatever you want. We need to make our homes suitable for our lives. I guess I've always gone a little against the grain myself.
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Post by RS Davis on Aug 30, 2004 16:14:19 GMT -5
Gay or straight, we all have ideas of what is acceptable and what is not. Have you ever tried to get a gay man to admit he's a bottom. Dude, it's almost impossible. They all claim to be tops but I know someone's takin it up the ass. Don't mean to be crude but it just shows that this is a society where we have preconceive notions of masculinity and they are alive and well even in the gay community. That's fascinating. I had no idea. I remember the gay guy (I forgot his name) from the Kids in the Hall was on some show and saying something or other about a politician he didn't like, and as an aside said, "Besides, I know he's a bottom." I cracked up, but just thought maybe it was because the guy wasn't gay. I dunno, I just never realized that was an issue. I love learning new things... - Rick |
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Post by RS Davis on Aug 30, 2004 16:17:59 GMT -5
It's a wonder that my daughter and I have such a good relationship after I subjected her to that for all those yrs. I'll bet being able to punch the bitch in the face did a lot to heal any psychic wounds, eh?  - Rick PS - N2N, that little speech is going into the Great Poster Quotes thread... |
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Post by outgirl on Aug 30, 2004 16:49:32 GMT -5
I'll bet being able to punch the bitch in the face did a lot to heal any psychic wounds, eh? - Rick I only wish. It's still very painful for her. Everything that we do in life has an effect on our kids. I'm healing....slowly. Maybe someday I'll even be able to have a normal healthy loving relationship again. If not, then I'll have a healthy sexual relationship with someone. I'll get over it. Point is, it will take a lot more than getting laid to repair the hurt and betrayal that she feels. She may have been an adult when things finally came apart, but the pain she feels is the pain of a child who was betrayed by someone who was suppose to take care of her. By someone who told her she loved her as a daughter and then turned her back on her. Of course, she turned her back on everyone that loved her and that is her loss, but we all have to deal with it in our own way. It's not just Em, she has been horrible to her 11 yr old neice too. If you don't fit into her little mold of how you should be, then apparently you're out. How could I have spent so many yrs with someone who was so very vacant inside and never have noticed? |
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...when he's around
