Loved it! It did leave me wondering whether to laugh or get massively pissed of at the sheer stupidity of our law enforcement hounds. They really come off their hinges when you don't kiss their ass and act meek and
submissive. I once was stopped on the highway for speeding. Well, I drive a z8, it's a bit hard sometimes to realize how fast I'm going. My car has one lonely bumper sticker on the right of the bumper, it's a picture of a hand giving the finger. That cop was acting soooo
tough, saying things like "huh? not so smug now, are you, with your STICKER..." And so I said the most abnoxious thing I could come up with:
"Honey, the tank cap cost more than you make in a week, the sticker just lets you know it, loud and clear.
Now, are you going to give me that ticket and let me go, or is this going to turn into one of those freedom of speech things I'd love to bring to court?"
Needless to say, I had thoroughly pissed off Mr. Doughnut Gut, there. He decided to search the car.
I said "SURE" and opened the trunk for him. Inside was
my work bag, consisting mostly of ballet gear, pointe shoes, tights, that sort of things. There was also an
envelop full of 10x13 pics taken during rehearsals,
a shopping bag from Bloomingdales that had shoes,
jewelry and perfume I had bought that day, and a
1 and a half foot tall stuffed gorilla wearing a wrestling outfit with my husband's name, Sergei, written on it.
(one of those silly, private jokes) Mr.doughnut Gut
went through the work bag, turning bright red as he pulled out my bra and panties from it. He gave that up. Then he looked at the photos, clearly not realising he was looking at one of the most famous of classical ballets (Swan Lake), looked into the Bloomies bag and asked if I had a receit for the merchandise. I did, and
while handing it to him, explained very carefully that this was a case of illegal search, and that I was planning to have a lot of fun with this one. He gave me a hard stare, picked up the stuffed gorilla and asked:
"Who's Sergei?
-That's the man whose dick I suck everynight, asshole."
I said that very calmly, because at that point, I had every right to be pissed, had a hell of a case against him, and knew full well that Mr. Doughnut Gut hadn't had a blowjob in years, or he wouldn't be such a frustrated power starving moron.
He tried to blabber something about "insulting a police
officer"... And I laughed so hard I nearly peed in my pants. My cellphone rang, I picked it up, it was my
husband. I switched to Russian and French, quickly explaining what was happening, and my husband said
"I take care of it"... He's a corporate lawyer, yes, a
shark. I put away the cellphone after asking the cop if he wanted to check it for explosive devices, he gave me a really angry look. Then all of a sudden, Mr. Doughnut Gut was looking like he had food poisoning, or something, just not happy with himself. And he said:
"You know, that sticker of yours... not only is it rude, huh, it's kind of mean, too. Why did you put it there?"
I told him that I am exercising my right, as an American protected by the constitution, to be as abnoxious a
godawful brat as I wished to be. That he did have me on speeding, but I had him on much more, and would have a truly wonderful time with it. He said something about people beeing so mean to each other in this cruel world, blablabla, and said he really wasn't a mean
person, and to prove it, he was willing to let me go with nothing more than a warning. Bwaaahahahahaaah!!!!
I realised he was worried. (DUH...) I got back in my car, told him that if he had any sense at all, he'd let go of the doughnuts, get his ass in a gym, start taking out
the trash for his wife and learn to eat pussy like a true
gourmet, that those things alone would no doubt bring a whole lot more satisfaction to his life than harrassing
people, even the speeding ones. And then, I drove off.
Ok, so this time, I respected the speed limit as long as he was watching, goddamnit. But that little prick had
just wasted 30 minutes of a very busy day, so I did have to make up for it... once out of eyesight, of course.
