Post by RS Davis on Jul 21, 2005 16:43:22 GMT -5
Muffy the Vampire Slayer?
Sarah Michelle Gellar has been roaming the streets of Hollywood in tatters, her formerly tanned limbs emaciated and streaked with filth, her once-glimmering golden mane now a home for a family of raccoons, banging on every director's door, weeping and begging--begging!--for them to allow her to get naked on screen. Won't someone help Buffy? Won't someone make a young girl's greatest wish come true? Won't someone reach out a helpful, trembling hand and assist her with that pesky bra strap?
S.M.G. is dying to show some T.I.T.! Like the mythical Mountain Climber of The Price Is Right fame, Sarah has hiked past her taut and toned twenties and is teetering on a precipice, about to fall off the edge straight into the flabby void of her thirties. Since 30 = 83 in Hollywood years, she's desperate to show off her goods while they're still in saleable shape; yet, bafflingly, there seem to be no takers. "I am approaching 30 and I need a change. The sort of roles I would like are not being offered, so this way [getting naked] might just shock people into choosing me." Sarah may just get her wish--she's playing a former porn star in the upcoming flick Southland Tales. Even if there are no flesh flashes in the script, who's gonna argue if she wants to slip one in--Freddie Prinze Jr.? Oh ho, that's rich. She'll snatch his nuts away and slip them back under her pillow before shooing him off to fetch her some coffee and tampons.[/b]
